IntroductoryLetter

People have forgotten about the essence of pleasure. It has been suppressed or turned into a consumable product, and we have let it collect dust in the corners of our minds and our bodies. However, when you think of a new life that will soon join us, what do you wish for their soul? Isn’t it happiness?

Pleasure Activism, a framework introduced by Adriene Brown (2021), invites us to reclaim joy and to remember that it should not be a luxury but a given. Feeling good in our bodies, sustaining meaningful connections around us, and resting as a form of resistance are central to the Sensory Ritual. Through revitalizing the five senses, participants connect to their inner child, positioning themselves in a place where empathetic bonds can be built, rather than artificial pleasantries about a predetermined gender.

Before you prepare for a day surrounded by love and unity, let us give you an insight as to how and, more importantly, why we came to develop the idea of the Sensory Ritual.

Why is there a need for an alternative?

Traditional gender reveal parties, quickly rising in popularity since the late 2000s, have become a normalized celebration for parents-to-be. Friends and family come together for a surprise, finding out if the baby’s sex is male or female, thus if it is a boy or girl. Images may come to mind of fireworks, large cakes, balloons—all in blue and pink.

It is strictly embedded with binary gender traditions, giving rise not only to heavy stereotyping but also applying these stereotypes to an identity created for a child yet to be born. This takes away agency and perpetuates problematic expectations of what parents and family wish their child to be like, without taking into consideration that there is, first of all, a difference between sex and gender, and, second, that a person’s identity can not be neatly packed into a pink or blue box, no matter if their sex and gender might ‘align’ in their life.

In recent years, gender reveal parties have received more criticism, as one does not have to dig deep to recognize their controversial nature. There have been attempts to “go around” it—making the grand party beige instead of the stereotypical colour scheme or announcing that their child will be brought up “gender neutral” before throwing a classic gender reveal party. However, drawing on Sara Ahmed’s work, it becomes clear that the above-mentioned is nothing else than non-performativity of anti-heteronormativity. (Ahmed 2006) The essence stays unchanged, and people still work with tools from the very same institutional frameworks that constitute binary thinking. This isn’t about redecoration; it’s about breaking the structure that keeps the norm in place.

We wish to bring to your attention the fact that the adaptation of gender reveal parties as a norm has not come out of thin air - they are interwoven with repressive institutionalized standards. Anthropologist Arturo Escobar argues that we are confined by the patriarchal way of life, unnoticeably being pushed into a desire to control living (Escobar, 2020)—in this case, an attempt to restrict and structure a life that has not entered the world yet. The only way to go against it is by decentering gender, letting multiple realities fuse together.

Other than excitement about gender, gender reveal parties do not help nurture a special connection between parent and child or the people attending. Rather, it has become a show-off of wealth and status, “the bigger the better,” revealing capitalism’s tight grip on attempts to come together, highlighting over-consumerism and unnecessary spending.

Re-imagining coming together:

We do not aim to discourage parents from finding out the sex of their child before it is born; we simply wish to shift the focus of celebration from gender identity to the child itself. The Sensory Ritual is a celebration that truly does focus on celebration, rather than giving into consumerism in the name of gender stereotypes. It is a non-institutionalized event that focuses on embodied and sensory values. It gives room to the honoring of life, connection, and first experiences.
In “Pluriversal Politics,” Escobar underlines that the individual doesn’t exist; it exists in relation to others, the way we connect to the world and people around us (Escobar, 2020). Even though this celebration is in the name of the parents, especially the one carrying the child, it is not about establishing or separating individuals. Through our sensual rituals, games, and conversations, care and collective emotions are centered.

Identity is not fixed or binary and cannot be assigned. Diving into Monáe’s Neo-Afrofuturism, Daylanne English and Alvin Kim elucidate the policing of gender and sexuality through the example of the Cindi Mayweather persona. Inspired, we too attempt to go against it by resisting the institutionalized assignment of gender, a performative act that neatly restrains you before you are even born. Furthermore, by placing gender as flexible and evolving, Monáe’s idea that futurity is not about categorizing but about opening up space for freedom is reflected (English & Kim, 2013).

Just as important as going against normativity and institutionalism is creating a safe, communal space in which everyone involved feels pleasant. Falling back on the interview with Imarisha and Brown (2021), the Sensory Ritual is an event where conversation feels accessible and capitalism is numbed. We’ll remind you once, twice, or however many times is needed - let yourself feel joy!

In our starter bundle, you’ll find a fictional day plan to help imagine what your own Sensory Ritual might look like. Additionally, you’re provided with five different activities based on the five senses, as well as a list of useful materials for them! There is no pressure to stick to our templates - pick and choose what resonates and add whatever feels right! This experience is all about what feels right, not how it should be done. Good luck, and congratulations!